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Gone are the days when our parents thought that marriage was necessary and indispensable part of the life and we as sons and daughters hardly objected to it once we had crossed 25 .

On the contrary today’s generation suffers from a ‘phobia’ of tying the knot on the pretext of career, interference in their freedom and that wings of independence will be clipped. If you talk to boy or girl of a marriageable age, they feel frightened and suggest marriage will ruin their leeway and will make them answerable for every action.

Marriages mean commitment for lifetime and therefore, they question “What if we are not able to work it out or we don’t find each other compatible. Career conscious Boys and Girls say “future is an aspect that is uncertain and it cannot be controlled, so why worry about something that they don’t have control over”. ? They believe the present is more fun and promising to them so why plan for the future.

Women especially do not want to adjust or compromise as they are told by their mothers that after marriage they have to ‘adjust’ and ‘compromise’ with new relationships and the new house. Everyone’s mother’s adjusted and their mother’s mothers did the same. But for today’s generation, adjustment is becoming gradually difficult because of the existential crisis and their fast lifestyle with both husband–wife being in job.

Another major reason of this phobia is boys & girls becoming too career centric and to achieve the best as a professional they hardly look back and see they are getting over-age.  Aditi said “ Life is a race today and the competition is cutthroat. To stay ahead, one has to be quick and efficient if he or she dreams of making it big”.

Marriage requires a lot of commitments and demands that need to be fulfilled. If the attention is diverted towards them, the youth today may end up being the last in the rat race, she felt.

One of the worst thing that has happened to boys and girls of modern times is they feel they will get separated from their parents once they enter into marriage. “If I have to choose between a partner and parents , I will choose my parents so why should I go into a situation when I will have to make such a choice, said Gyan who gives lot of respect to his parents and feels confused about tying the knot.  Same answer came from a career oriented girl Tanishka who said whatever she was able to do for her parents once she gets married she doubts whether she would continue to do the same.

Marriage, therefore takes a backseat here for such boys and girls.

Millennials have lost faith in the sanctity of marriage. With an increase in divorce rates, incidences of cheating partners and people opting for live-in relationships, for most young people marriage no longer remains a priority. They are actually a lot more career oriented than our generations.

“Is it necessary to become a part of someone else’s life, to the extent that you’re basically fused into one unit. While most of us are struggling to come to terms with our own selves, the idea of being a part of and being responsible for another individual is more than what most of us bargained for, they argue.

The traditional form of marriage involved a substantial amount of compromise required to be made by both parties, and todays’ generation is not very excited at that prospect. We are not a generation who will invest themselves in building their life around someone who just isn’t good enough. We’re a generation obsessed with our attempts at “finding” ourselves.

With each passing day, we are becoming more and more aware of the fact that “we live alone. We die alone. Everything else is just an illusion.” We’ve internalized it to the extent that instead of investing ourselves in building long lasting ties, we focus entirely on ourselves and on having experiences for and by ourselves.

As human beings become increasingly obsessed with the ‘I’, family ties are being strained more than ever. We’re constantly scared of losing the independence we’ve treasured for most of our adult lives.

Burying ourselves in an avalanche of insecurities, commitment is a scary prospect for most of us. We constitute the hook-up generation, where relationships are fleeting and sexual gratification is enough to keep us going.

The idea of finality that is intrinsic to marriage is enough to throw us off. What we’re most afraid of is the possibility of intimacy encroaching upon our sense of autonomy.

Marriages are no longer as idyllic as they used to be. Incidences of people walking out on their spouses are more frequent than ever. Our previous generations stuck together despite their marriages falling apart, owing to the taboo that surrounds getting a divorce. Residues of that taboo still remains, and our generation just does not want to go through the ordeal of getting married, if parting ways is an inevitability.

Unfortunately while todays’ youth is caught in a whirlwind of ambitions and insecurities, there is no denying the fact that it always is reassuring to have someone around, someone to come home to, someone to discover yourself with.

While marriage might be a scary prospect, don’t we all want someone to call our own? There is a certain comfort in knowing that at the end of a long, shitty day, when nothing makes sense, you can go home to the reassuring presence of your forever person. Our parents are kind of right, you know, when they say that loneliness eventually gets to you at some point or the other.

Marriage does not have to get in the way of your career, or in the path of self- discovery. Instead, your soul searching exercise might just be more fulfilling when you’re in it with someone else. There is a certain security and stability in marriage that no other relationship can provide.

You find yourself through that person. You grow up and overcome the drudgeries of life with the love of your life.

 

One Response to “Career, Compatibility and Freedom : The Phobia of Tying the Knot !”

  1. amit

    It is good subject to address, need of an hour. I really idealise your writing sir.

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